I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
