my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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