My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
