I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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