The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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