Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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