who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
