i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Holy sore nipples Batman
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
