he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
