Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
