I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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