i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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