Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
