my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
