Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
