His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
