I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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