happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
