Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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