there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
