Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
