I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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