everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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