I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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