if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
