YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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