no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
