If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
