i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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