Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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