i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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