Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
