TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
