ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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