walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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