Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
