I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
