I looked at my own cervix.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
