she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
