i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
