dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
