I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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