It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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