Say something about gay babies.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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