we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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