Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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