remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
