His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Mom said you looked used
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
