sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Randomize
