can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
