I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
