dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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