we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
