i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I party with great urgency now.
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